On November 14th I made one of those split second choices that could have changed my life forever. As most of you know, I have some digestive issues that have caused me to have bad spasms in my liver. I take an anti-spasmodic that (to put it simple) prevents me from having liver failure symptoms. I have to keep these pills on me at all times because I never know when the problem will occur. It sets in very fast with little to now warning.
So back to the 14th... I was getting ready to take Bryn to play with a friend from school and just as we were about to walk out the door I decided to get her a different coat and use the bathroom. So I quickly set my purse on the counter, left the girls by the door, and ran to do those two things.
When I came back to the kitchen I saw that Bryle was on the floor with my purse spilled open. At that moment I saw in her hand my pill bottle and the "child proof" top was off. Feeling ill, I ran to her and swept her mouth to see if there was anything in it (they dissolve so I wanted to check for any traces of them in her mouth). There was nothing in her mouth but only four pills left in the bottle. I looked around and found several on the floor. I knew these pills could be so dangerous for her as I have been told myself on how careful to be with them. They can shut down your body functions if you take too many. In a panic I called poison control and continued to search and count the pills. I was able to be sure that there was no way see could have got more then five pills but I could not say 100% when/if I had taken the other five pills. Poison control said she need to go to the ER ASAP.
I drove her to the ER scared to death and feeling like the worst parent alive. She was still acting just fine when I got to the ER but with ever passing moment I know the pills could be taking effect. I will spare you all the details of the hospital drama... in the end we don't think she got any based on her behavior but they treated her with charcoal just to be sure. The bad part was they waited two hours until they gave it to her... by then I knew she was fine but still felt like a terrible person for allowing it to happen in the first place. When the nurse came with the charcoal I grabbed the camera so that I could hide behind it and separate myself from the situation. I bet that nurse thought I was a real winner!!! First I almost killed my daughter and then took pictures of it. The truth is that I find comfort in taking pictures. When I am looking through that lens it is like entering a different world. It allows me to separate myself from the situation and sometimes that is a great escape and this day it worked wonders. The moment I put the camera down I would cry like a baby but from behind that lens I was not that horrible parent who had allowed their baby to get her medication.
Ok, so before I go let me say this... I am not beating myself up about this situation. You don't have to e-mail me and tell me not to be so hard on myself and blah, blah, blah! I am not calling my self a bad parent... I just made a super bad choice. I am only telling you how I felt about the situation. I need to have some of those feelings as they allow me to stay more alert. Besides, the whole thing worked out just fine and I got some great pictures of Bryle. She looks so cute in that hospital gown, let's just pray that is the last one she will ever wear!
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