A new understanding of myself

Since this is so long I want to start with saying thanks to a few people… since not many people will finish reading this because it is a NOVEL…

To those of you who have helped me thorough college by checking my papers… Mom, Brad, Sara, John & Laura Hall, and Alisha! Thanks for not laughing or making fun of me!! I would have never let you read my work if I had not trusted you! (by trust I don’t mean that I trust that you would do a good job but that you would not make fun of my silly mistakes).

This one is boring so you might want to skip it! I am mainly writing it so that I can scrapbook it someday… since to me, it is an important self discovery.

Last week was a long draining week. I was undergoing a long, painful testing program for learning disabilities. Everyone, who has ever read anything I have written, knows that I am a really bad speller. I can hide it sometimes with spell check until I choose the wrong word from the spell check list or I just pick a different word that I know how to spell in place of one I don’t. This is why my writing is usually at a fourth grade level on the readability score in Microsoft Word. Well, the reason for all of this is this little thing called dyslexia.

Mom has always told me that when I was in third grade I was tested and found to have dyslexia. I even got special help in school that one year. Then in fourth grade my dad died, the following year we moved to the north side of Ocala and I started attending a new school in Belleview. I did really badly in school and all my teachers either blamed it on the lose of my father or that I was just not smart enough. It was not until high school that I got in a class with a teacher who made me believe that I was not just some dumb person. He taught me to believe in myself… or maybe he just believed in me!! Had it not been for him there is no way I would have finished high school nor would I have ever dreamed of going to college. (He might just read this so… THANKS… from the bottom of my heart!)

Now, in all farness I must add this… my Mom has always believed in me. She has even told me over and over again how smart I am and blah, blah, blah but all Mom’s tell their daughters that so I had to hear it from someone else to believe it.

So here I am all these years later and am taking some classes that are giving me some trouble because of my reading level. I take my classes distance learning so the time tests are a bit of a problem. If I get my dyslexia documented then I will be allowed extra time. I hate asking for this because I know that in the real world no one is going to say, “ok let me stop and give you extra time because you have this learning disability,” but lets just face it college is not the real world.

This afternoon I completed my testing and the counselor who did my evaluation said that he is shocked that I am doing as well in school as I am based on my testing and his observations (guess I did worse on the test then I thoughtJ). He has not given me my formal diagnoses (that will take a few weeks) but he pleaded with me to check out the website http://www.dys-add.com/ and and the title of a book to read (both on dyslexia). He told me that I was sure to learn a few things about myself. I must say this was the most amazing thing ever. This is why…

At 28 I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I don’t know my multiplication tables, can’t hardly spell, never write hand written notes, I only know my left and right because of my wedding band, and am even afraid that those that read this blog will think I am ignorant because of my errors. After watching the video on this site I have learned that so many of the things that I struggle with are a result of dyslexia. I feel for the first time in my life I understand a huge part of myself that I never understood before. No one has been able to truly explain to me what dyslexia until now.

The best thing about all of this however, is that there might be some chance for improvement in these areas that I struggle in. I am actually hoping to get some tutoring to learn to read…yep that’s right I don’t want to skip words any more I want to pick up a book and read every word. I get so sick of people laughing or having to ask about my simple stupid mistakes and I think there maybe help out there. I am not looking to be perfect but I want to read to Bryn without having to ask Brad for help... I mean come on they are just children books!

I am more then thrilled that I went through this long crazy process because if nothing else I have learned to better understand myself!

P.S. For those of you that read this… let me know if you see any mistakes so I can fix them… and you better not make fun of me!!!